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                1. 当前位置:随笔吧>日志>短篇小说> 远远的 无望的看着你

                  远远的 无望的看着你

                  透过健身房的落地四面镜子,我仍然远远的,无望的看着你。

                  今天,我们竟然都剪了头发。

                  莫名的小喜悦呲呲在心里冒出来,完全无法听进去健身音乐,完全无法自控自己的四肢灵活运转。

                  昨天的你穿了蓝色的紧身健身衣,我竟然发现你有一点点的驼背,让我有点莫名的难受。

                  今天你剪了利落的短发,前边稍微上扬,不夸张,又很帅气。 你又换回了一直很喜欢穿的黑色套头衫和黑色运动裤,白色的运动鞋,我还是更喜欢这一身,和那些前排穿着运动背心的肌肉男相比,你总是有种度身事外的清冷。

                  你不苟言笑,偶尔会带眼镜,不是传统意义的美男子,但身上却有种说不出的独特气质,有点拒人千里,也有点神秘。你和我一样,也不喜欢做夸张的健美动作,当妩媚的女老师让大家举手大声喊加油的时候,你和我一样,都是不自觉的把手背在后面,有些尴尬的看着窗外。

                  窗外的叶子已经尽数脱落,就像我的心,从夏天的密茂繁生,到秋天的瑟瑟抖落,再到冬天的赤裸无望。 春天永远不会来。在我看到她陪伴你的那天起,我就知道,春天永远不会来。

                  我想不透的是我自己,为何没有去选择逃离这里,还是每天的,远远的,无望的看着你。

                  记不起是什么时候开始,我发现我会偷偷的看着你,有时候是在你的身后,有时候是在你的左边右边,更多,是在那些四面的镜子里。

                  也许是那一次的新年祈愿,健身老师让大家写出新年目标和愿望,然后抽签念出来。

                  偏偏抽到了我,我隐约记得我写的是,新年能更好的做自己,不在乎别人的想法,为了自己而活。老师并没有念出名字,但我感觉旁边的你却看了看我。 这种类似灵犀的东西,我从来没有相信过,但是那天你看向我的瞬间,在对视的瞬间,我却感到了心里的一股巨流涌向全身,想发抖,想克制,想哭,想笑。

                  那之后的每一天我开始有意识的会看看你,偶尔我们会对视,但大部分时会找不到你的目光,你看窗外,看老师,眼神飘渺时候似乎更多。

                  我开始意识到,你也许和我一样,是在镜子里寻找一个人,但不是我。

                  新年之后,我时隔一个月再去的时候,你身边多了一个绿色健身衣的女子,不是女孩,是女人。

                  你们相互对望的时候,让我感觉不是情侣,而更像是青梅马,或者更像是老夫老妻。

                  她只是偶尔来,不专心也不认真,感觉更像是被你强制的拖来。 你们甚至也不对话,但我会扑捉到你和她的眼神,比牵手和拥抱更让我绝望的眼神。

                  我扪心自问过,我想要的是什么。 毫无答案。

                  或者我只是想要一种感觉,一种让人忘记成年以后经历了这个肮脏的社会以后,再也找不到的心动感觉。

                  今天,明天,我仍然会是来这里,远远的看你,并在心里默默的感恩,这里有你。

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