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                1. 当前位置:随笔吧>小说>情感故事> 你喜欢的人,终究是个凡人

                  你喜欢的人,终究是个凡人

                  01

                  就在春节的最后一天,妈妈突然神秘兮兮地把我拉到一边,还露出一种犯错少女的表情,压低声音说。

                  “儿啊,我对不起你,我以后再也不帮你张罗相亲了?!?/p>

                  我一脸懵圈地看着我妈,心中疑惑:这个春节,没见她安排谁和我见面??!

                  妈妈接着说:“媛姨有个朋友家有个闺女,开着一家小型广告公司,人又漂亮,爹妈我见了,非常好相处,就是岁数大你四岁?!?/p>

                  我连忙让我妈打住,我都三十岁的人了,还大我四岁,会不会有点.......

                  话还没说完,我妈捶胸顿足地说:“儿啊,我对不起你啊,我和她爹妈定好这周见面的,但闺女死活看不上你,说你太平凡了!”

                  有句话叫,相亲是一场自取其辱,果然被说中了。但“平凡”这个词,对我始终有点刺耳了。

                  “那她希望什么样的条件,才能算是不平凡呢?”

                  妈妈摇了摇头,据说这个问题,她父母加介绍人逼问了一个晚上都没有答案。

                  这个世界上,没有什么比“总要找一个不平凡的人”,还要平凡的事了。

                  妈妈很生气,对这件事痛批了半个小时,我暗自庆幸,我再也不用相亲!不过我最后还是告诉妈妈,不要过分谴责那个女生。

                  爱情转移里说:我们生来都是平凡的命,却染上不将就的病。这或许就是当代人的情感写照吧。

                  其实,这也不能算是病,感情多数时候是强大的,无论疾病、贫穷、距离甚至时光,它唯独在面对一件事时非常脆弱,那就是平凡。

                  02

                  都说女人心海底针,尤其什么样的人能成为女生的意中人,连最伟大的心理学家弗洛伊德都对这个问题束手无策。

                  但现代心理学家,还是坚持使用科学的研究方法,来探讨女性的择偶观,实验的样本大多抽取20-33岁的未婚女性,而实验的结论,却与我们的传统观念不大相同。

                  心理学家发现,女性在择偶决策上最重视的8条线索依次为:性格、健康、责任心、外貌、发展前途、住房与经济条件,受教育程度。

                  这个结论与以往国内外学者的结论大体一致,但实验人员还为参与者设置了另外一个测试,那就是让女生在时间紧迫的条件下,对择偶条件的重新选择,然后对比她们的加工深度。

                  结果,外貌的重视程度从第四上升到第二,住房和经济条件从倒数上升到第三,而发展前途则从中间变为垫底。

                  为什么会这样呢?中国传统文化都提倡“重品性、轻色相”,“面包我有,你给我爱情就好”,“男人要找潜力股,有钱人花心”。

                  这样的观念,让女性的择偶观变得更加富有精神意义,但也把女性一些真正的需求压抑了下来,她们对外表达的择偶观点就变得具有防御性。

                  当选择时间紧迫时,女性的这一防御机制被削弱了,于是她们流露出自己的“内隐”想法,在这个想法里,女性更需要男性“有颜值、有钱、有承诺”。

                  多数研究者认为,这个“内隐”的想法才是女生最真实的愿望,但作者有自己的理解。

                  作者理解是:每个女生对自己的“白马王子”有不同的标准,但受到社会文化和亲近人观点影响后,她们的标准被扭曲或者掩盖了,无论是“外显”还是“内隐”的想法,都不是她们真正的需求。

                  其实女生并不完全清楚自己想要什么。有一点可以肯定的,无论何种条件,女生都重视男生的性格,而性格中她们最重视的字眼莫过于“承诺”,也就是说女生了解男生的性格,是为了判断这个男生是否可以托付终身。

                  实验中,女生对“性格”这个标签的点击很高,但加工时间很长。我想,也许女生并不明白什么样的性格才是靠谱?

                  千依百顺的好男人行吗?不行,没有哪个女生愿意当一辈子女强人。激情万丈的坏男人行吗?不行,这样的人容易出轨。

                  这样的两难选择让女性纠结而困惑,但“外貌”“经济”这样的因素就好加工和判断的多,这时就成了影响择偶的重要因素。

                  实验有一个结论会让天下男生失望,女生对“发展前景”(也就是男生口中的潜力股)很难抉择,她们会在这个按钮前思考很长时间,但很少有人会按下按钮仔细了解。

                  我理解,很少有女生愿意拿自己的未来,在一件复杂又不确定的事情上豪赌。

                  03

                  实验还有一个有趣的地方。

                  当女性参与者给出自己条件后,系统会根据条件,为她们匹配一些“候选人”。

                  而候选人较多时,女性是不满意,她们会调高条件来减少候选人人数,哪怕候选人的颜值和身份都还不错。

                  也就是说,女生在摆出了自己的条件后,她们希望自己的候选人少而精,甚至唯一。

                  为什么紫霞喜欢英雄,或许就是这个原因吧。但至尊宝有一天真的不平凡了,他驾着七彩祥云,来当你梦中的大英雄。

                  只可惜姑娘们忘了一件事,一旦他带上了金箍,他真的爱不了你。在齐天大圣的心中,他真的宁愿做一条狗。

                  诚然现实生活中,没有哪个姑娘的择偶过程是在实验室里做出来的。

                  不过我可以肯定,在“内隐”和“外显”的矛盾里,在“少而精”这种浪漫却不理性的条件下,姑娘们在一次次无情的筛选中,早已没有心力去等待或者爱上一个“盖世英雄”。

                  毕竟你是个凡人,渴了要喝水,累了要睡觉,痛了大概也会放手吧!

                  04

                  实验告诉我们:白马王子长什么样?这个问题也许根本没有答案,甚至不会有答案了。

                  假如你真喜欢一个人,不如为他镀上金身吧,毕竟你生命中能邂逅的大多是平凡人。但不同的是,我们不会在平凡中沉沦。

                  路遥说:每个人的生活同样也是一个世界。即使最平凡的人,也得要为他那个世界的存在而战斗。从这个意义上说,在这些平凡的世界里,也没有一天是平静的。

                  也许你喜欢的人,终究是个平凡人。他唯一的特殊就是,无论他在你身边或者离开,他都可以为你挡着人山人海,仿佛你的眼里只能看到他,又好像你的灵魂中残缺了那么一块只能被他补齐。

                  当你能爱的时候,就大胆地去爱吧,因为爱这件事,本身就只能猜到开头,却猜不到结尾。(文/剑圣喵大师,微信公众号/剑圣喵大师,id/swordpain)

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